Orlando [28 Dec 2009|04:39am] steena My home town is Orlando City. Ive grown up with this place and its gotten so huge over the years. So many amazing people live here, theres so many great places to go. I hit a point in my life here where I wasnt going anywhere: I finished highschool and was to go into adulthood. I didnt know what I wanted to be really but I knew time was drawing short. I wasnt progressing into the man I wanted to be... I was going backwards. So I left and joined the military- I grew up, I changed for the better and I would go home when I could to see friends and family. Everytime Id go I felt like I never moved from being that highschool graduate-that aimless wanderer. Everyone else was making somthing of their lives and I felt like I wasnt,I still feel that sometimes. In reality I changed the most-thats what my friends would tell me. I was everything Id hope to be as a man and I was still improving, I was a role model for alot of people, I was something to look up to and admire. Everytime I come here its like a dream, Im always busy with somthing because time here is always so short, People welcome me into their lives and give me breaks on being foolsh and/or stupid. Once a friend even forgave me for sleeping with his girlfriend-the very next day....the bonds Ive made here are always being tested, stressed sometimes. They have never broken. Here now I have a beautiful if not a little flawed woman madly in love with me, a welcoming and supportive family and fiercely loyal friends. I know the city, I move about her easly, I have money and I have a wonderful pristine car. Its all a dream though, Its like this because time is so short. People let this reality play out before me as a means of saying thanks.Its their love, its how they express it. In my real life, in the one I live in with the military I still see these things in Okinawa just not as idealistic and Iconic. In reality I still have a beautiful woman in love with me, she isnt as flawed but its also because shes a different person, My family is still there just not physicaly and I still have loyal friends but we only get to be with eachother for a few years at best before we have to part ways. I have to constantly learn and make for improvements in reality- I stuggle and fight to be better everyday. My money goes to bills mostly and my car works but isnt anything to brag about. My reality in the military alows for someday to have my dreams to come true, the people and some of the details might not be the same but their roles in my life play out as they should. Leaveing home is always hard, I always want to sleep longer but I cant help feel the desire to wake up. This trip home this year has been hard, Natalie was a dream I never wanted to end. In reality she could never commit to the level I wanted from her right now. She isnt ready for it, Im sad but I understand this. So I let her know that I am giving someone else a chance with me, Im giving Sayaka a chance to have a relationship with me. Natalie has beged me to let her try again to stay asleep a little longer but I cant, I wont. No matter how long I stay here in the end, I always wake up I wear Sayakas ring for stregth, I hold my tounge and I bind my hands to not be weak and give into this dream. Its not real even though its tempting. Its whats best for me, for my future and happyness I need to go back to Okinawa so you wanna make out?

2009 is almost done ! [26 Dec 2009|10:22pm] oh_venality 1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before? - had a baby...WITHOUT an epidural ! never thought that would happen. - had a FULL drama free year. so refreshing. - took clementine trick or treating. 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 2009 resolutions were --- travel more (didn't do.) meet more people (achieved !) keep a positive attitude (definitely achieved !) take everything in stride (achieved !) quit smoking...for real (achieved !!!!) save for a house (eh.) 2010 resolutions are --- lose ten pounds. work out. seriously. keep up with the positive attitude. SAVE MONEY ! this is the hardest one for me...i love shoes. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i did ! 4. Did anyone close to you die? josh's grandma. that was a bummer. 5. What countries did you visit? none. we had a trip to hawaii set up...but we ended up expecting and postponed it ! BUT we are going to a bed and breakfast next month...omg. so excited ! 6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? a house. 7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? november 17th. olive jean's very unpredictable/eventful arrival. a very scary moment for me, seeing as how she had a bit of trouble breathing. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Having two girls that are amazingly well-behaved and all around lovely. Having a marriage that is healthy, stable, and exceedingly loving. I have a happiness that cannot be measured in dollars or cents. 9. What was your biggest failure? not saving money. whoops. it's hard. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i had childbirth...naturally. and let me tell you, i felt tough as nails for doing it ! olive also made me sick for 3 months (from the moment i awoke until the moment i fell asleep). 11. What was the best thing you bought? last week i bought a cupcake jar for $4.00 from target...i am in love with it. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Josh. He was extremely helpful throughout my entire pregnancy (sickness, heartburn, pain, etc), he makes clemetine SO happy (sometimes i get a little jealous) and i just love him to pieces. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? i didn't allow anyone to make me depressed. i was appalled by my mother...but when am i not ? 14. Where did most of your money go? bills. lots and lots of bills. health insurance (which is $800 a month). food. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? not being pregnant and having olive here ! 16. What song will always remind you of 2009? i have no clue. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? happier. ii. thinner or fatter? fatter. iii. richer or poorer? richer. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? save money ! 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? throw up. 20. How will you spend Christmas? with my husband and girls. 21. How will you spend New Years Eve? i have no idea. probably stay at home with the husband and drink cheap champagne. 22. Did you fall in love in 2009? i was already in love. 23. How many one-night stands? none. 24. What was your favorite TV program? intervention, hoarders, first 48, gangland, top chef. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? not really. 26. What was the best book you read? i started books and never finished them...well, i finished "the woman with the worm in her head" it was really good. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? none. just listening to the oldies. 28. What did you want and get? a healthy, well-behaved infant ! 29. What did you want and not get? ...a large savings account. 30. What was your favorite film of this year? pineapple express. religulous. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 23. i worked. and came home to cupcakes and a handmade card. 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? nothing really. maybe so more money. a better economy. josh not being laid off. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? i'm pregnant and yes, i still wear high heels. 34. What kept you sane? unisom. spicy ramen. and a wonderful husband. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? lil wayne...his Vh1 behind the music made me love him. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? the bail out. the denial of prop 8. glenn beck...he's a political issue in himself. 37. Who did you miss? beckie. 38. Who was the best new person you met? courtney at work. i adore him. 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. "this too shall pass" and "parenting mainly consists of little white lies"...its totally true. 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. n/a so you wanna make out?

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